Monkey on My Back.

Sitting, staring up to the stars

I dream of what might never be

This dream that I I've held so dearly

That has caused me so much misery

But wishing on a star has never done it

Dreaming alone won't bring it across the Border

So here I sit planning and dreaming

Of how I'll get a Monkey despite that Court Order.

Oh Monkey... I've got big plans.  First, I will teach you how to shave my head- using the appropriate amount of shaving cream, the right pressure, etc.. I would then set the alarm for you to get up an hour before I do and shave my head while I am still asleep. This would either give me more time in the morning to do other stuff or allow me to spend more time sleeping.

Other things I will teach you to do:

 

I will teach you hypnosis

So that you can ride my dog.

 

I will teach you to ride a scooter

 

Then move up to a bicycle.  So we can ride together..

 

 

I will teach you how to play cards.  To bring in some extra cash.

 

And lastly, I will teach you how to track down evil-doers by using their photo and Google Earth.  I will teach you how to sneak up behind the target, run up and slap them on the back of the head, then make your escape (I know it would be be easier for you if you had other monkey assistants, and I'm sorry for that, but I doubt that I will have time to train several monkeys, what with me having to hide you from the neighbors and Customs).   BTW, the head slap may not be all there is too it.  It may just be a warning of things to come.  Kind of like finding a horse's head in your bed.  As the level of evil in a person increases, so will the options available to you.  All the way up to "taking care of them."  If you know what I mean.  And I THINK you do.

This is the Way the World Ends
This is the Way the World Ends
This is the Way the World Ends
Not with a Bang
But with...
A superbly-trained monkey sneaking up and drowning your evil self in a river.